Things Families Don’t Think About When Touring Assisted Living: What You See Depends on When and How You Look

When families begin looking for assisted living or memory care for a loved one, they usually have a list of questions.

·       How much does it cost?

·       What services are included?

·       What does the apartment look like?

·       What are the activities?

·       Is the food good?

Those are all important questions. But after years of working with families and senior living communities, I’ve found that some of the most important things families discover are the things they never thought to look for.

That’s why I’m introducing a new series called “Things Families Don’t Think About.”

This series is about looking beyond the brochure, the beautiful dining room and the scheduled tour—and learning how to observe the things that can tell you much more about what life is really like for a resident.

Here are six things I encourage families to consider.

Visit at 10 AM - Then Come Back at 6 PM

A scheduled tour is usually designed to show a community at its best.

That isn't necessarily a bad thing. Communities should be proud of what they offer. But remember that a tour is only a snapshot of daily life.  If possible, visit at different times of the day.

A morning visit might give you an opportunity to see breakfast, morning activities, medication routines and how residents begin their day.

An evening visit can tell you something entirely different.

What is the atmosphere like after dinner? Are residents still engaged? Are staff visible? Are residents gathering in common areas, watching television, participating in an activity—or mostly sitting alone in their rooms?

You may also get a better sense of how the community feels when the administrative team and many department leaders have gone home for the day.

One visit tells you what a community looks like. Multiple visits can tell you what it feels like.

And if a community welcomes you back for an unscheduled visit, that's generally a good opportunity to see everyday life without the structure of a formal tour.

Don't Just Tour the Apartment - Watch the Residents

Families naturally want to see the apartment.  Is it large enough? Is there enough closet space? Is the bathroom accessible? Can Mom bring her favorite chair?

Those things matter.

But while you're walking through the community, pay attention to the residents.

Look around.

·       Are residents talking with one another?

·       Are they participating in activities?

·       Do they appear comfortable approaching staff?

·       Are staff members interacting with residents—or simply walking past them?

·       Do residents appear engaged, relaxed and connected?

Of course, there will always be residents who prefer solitude. Someone sitting quietly doesn't automatically mean something is wrong.

The goal isn't to judge a community based on one person or one moment.

Instead, look for the overall pattern.

One of the most valuable questions you can ask yourself is:

“Does this look like a place where my loved one could belong?”

That question can sometimes tell you more than the size of the apartment.

The 10 Things I Would Watch for During an Assisted Living Tour

When touring a community, don't just listen to the sales presentation. Become an observer.

Here are 10 things worth paying attention to:

1. Staff interaction

Do staff members acknowledge residents when they walk by?

2. Resident engagement

Are residents doing things, talking with each other or participating in activities?

3. Cleanliness

Look beyond the lobby. Pay attention to hallways, common areas and resident spaces.

4. Noise level

Is the environment calm and comfortable, or does it feel chaotic?

5. Staff visibility

Can you easily find staff when you need them?

6. Dining experience

Look at the dining room. Does it feel inviting? Are residents actually using it?

7. Activities

Don't just look at the activity calendar.

·       Ask how many residents typically participate.

·       Is the calendar robust with a variety of engaging activities.

·       Are there activities that take place off-site?

·       Is there transportation to local area attractions and shopping?

8. Communication

Ask how families are kept informed about changes in their loved one's condition.

9. Resident demeanor

Do residents generally appear comfortable and at ease?

10. Your own reaction

Perhaps most importantly, pay attention to how you feel while you're there.

·       Do you feel welcomed?

·       Do you feel rushed?

·       Do you feel like the staff knows their residents?

Sometimes your instincts notice things before you can put them into words.

Ask the Executive Director This Question Before You Move Your Loved One In

Here's a question I believe every family should ask:

“If my loved one's needs change, how will you communicate that to me—and what happens next?”

This question is important because moving into assisted living isn't necessarily the end of the journey.

Your loved one's needs may change.

They may begin needing more assistance with bathing or dressing. They may have mobility changes. They may begin wandering. Their cognitive abilities may decline. They may eventually require a higher level of care.

Families need to understand how the community handles changing care needs.

Ask:

·       Who evaluates changes in a resident's condition?

·       How are families notified?

·       How quickly are concerns communicated?

·       What additional services can the community provide?

·       At what point might a resident need to move to a different level of care?

·       What happens if the community can no longer meet the resident's needs?

You're not just choosing where your loved one will live today.  You're trying to understand whether the community can support them as their needs evolve.

The Smell Test: What Your Nose Can Tell You During an Assisted Living Tour

This one may sound unusual, but don't underestimate your senses when touring a senior living community.

Take a moment when you walk through the door.

What do you smell?

·       Does the community smell clean and fresh?

·       Do you notice strong food odors?

·       Are there persistent odors in hallways or common areas?

·       Most importantly, don't make a judgment based on one moment.

Senior living communities are homes for people—and accidents, illnesses, meals and everyday life happen. An isolated odor doesn't necessarily tell you anything meaningful about the quality of care.

Instead, pay attention to patterns.

If you notice persistent unpleasant odors throughout multiple areas of a community, it may be worth asking questions about housekeeping, laundry, trash removal or how quickly accidents are addressed.

Your eyes may notice cleanliness.

Your ears may notice the environment.

And sometimes your nose notices something before you do.

Don't Just Tour. Investigate.

Choosing assisted living or memory care is one of the most important decisions a family can make.

And while a beautiful building, impressive amenities and a friendly tour are certainly important, they don't tell the entire story.

The best questions often aren't:

“What do you offer?”

They're:

“What happens when something changes?”

“What happens when no one is watching?”

“What does everyday life actually look like for the people who live here?”

·       Take your time.

·       Visit more than once.

·       Observe the residents.

·       Talk with staff.

·       Ask difficult questions.

·       And trust your instincts - but also back those instincts up with good information.

We believe families deserve more than a list of communities. They deserve education, honest guidance and an advocate who can help them understand their options.

You don't have to know all the right questions before you begin.

That's what guidance is for.

NewLeaf Senior Living Solutions provides no-cost senior living guidance to help families navigate assisted living and memory care options and make informed decisions for themselves and their loved ones.

This is part 1 of NewLeaf Senior Living Solutions' “Things Families Don't Think About” — practical guidance designed to help families look beyond the brochure and better understand what everyday life is really like inside assisted living and memory care.